Days like these

When early is just too damn early
When time is not on your side
When bank statements lie
yet you go and spend the money anyway (gotta have gas to get to work)
When you sit in front of glowy screens and wish you were out having coffee on the rocks by the water with someone simple and beautiful
When you should be doing a million other things
but really just want to sleep a little more.



*sigh*

On a good note or two

p0llux & the record store angel added me as a friend.

Bill is AIMing with me, and asking silly questions.

I sang "The Star Spangled Banner" in tenor better than the tenors did yesterday.

And best of all???


Butthead is not only eating, he is pruning himself, and whistled a li'l to Dead Can Dance - he likes all the nature samples in their music.

This last thing makes me smile most of all...no offense to p0llux, bhal, Bill, or the 3C Music factory (AKA Tri-C Chorale).

Silliness provided by sharpshinyclaws

The Diabolical Curse Generator - Get yours!!!

(no subject)

You know what it is?

It's this whole insecurity bullshit that has just all of the sudden crept back into my life like a fricking parasite. What the hell?

Yeah, I go through moments, but something triggered this. Something got old memories and worries all wound up in my ego and it's getting smothered for no damn good reason.

Does anyone else ever deal with this problem?
Better yet, WHY am I having such a hard time getting over it?

If it weren't for some damn awesome people in my life who are encouraging and push me outside my shell when it is most important. But still...I should be able to do that without relying on them.

I all but flooded weekend before last. I paced around the house, totally anxious about nothing that I could pin-point. Just bothered, annoyed...yeah, the money thing is totally unsettling, but I know it's my fault, and totally claim that. Whatever.

Today, leaving school in a sleepy haze, I had a memory of a High School girlfriend who had a habit of telling me awful things about myself because she was jealous of who I was without her. I haven't thought of her in TWELVE YEARS!!!

I have done the best I can to eliminate the worthlessness out of my life. I have let go of people with whom I had no other choice, and am working toward grand goals...even those goals, right now at least, feel so very very distant and down a tunnel with nothing but a spec of light at the end.

Sometimes it's hard not to want to crawl inside the crevices in the brick layers around me instead, and just hit snooze, repeatedly.

I don't though. No, never ever ever again if I can avoid it. What the hell...I CAN avoid it! I hate when I say "if." That's a horrible thought.

It's just a matter of finding the opposite triggers...I just wish I knew what the present ones were.