headachybabblyblahhh
Jan. 18th, 2003 10:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thedarksiren2I had this incredibly vivid dream this morning.
but my head is killing me, and it might even be an OK kinda pain, had I earned it say, by drinking to the extent that others did.
But I didn't. I had one drink that lasted me three hours, thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
theswede. For the drink, not for the time...well, I liked seeing him in that time, but...yeah.
I cannot tell if it is tension, sinus, or a migraine coming on. I haven't had the latter in a reeeally long time. From what I remember though, I would get halos beforehand, so I am hoping it's nothing like that.
I began getting migraines when I was about seven. My parents got into this massive fight, and my mother screamed something about going and not coming back, running out to her car and driving off like a lunatic. She came back several hours later, and they fought more, and she left again. This second argument woke me up, and I got a headache then.
I got up, my father tried to give me tylenol. I couldn't really swallow pills then, so my parents would mash them up and put them in a spoonful of kool-aid and sugar.
I vomited it back up this time.
blood hell...we have no pain medicine, other than Rx strength, in the house. I have to be at work by noon, so that won't do really. Otherwise I think I'd take my T3 and stay in bed for a few more hours.
also, I am rambling in hopes of forgetting I have the damn thing. My first boyfriend, Chris Goodwin (my first true love whom I think about everyday because he was truly the most wonderful guy ever - he never cheated on me, he always gave the best advice, and he was kind, considerate, and he just wanted so badly to be a good person - he was convinced by his asshole father for years that he was worthless and miserable - hence my need to stifle laughing at the bastard when he nearly cut his finger off chopping lettuce one fine summer's eve), he used to talk me through my headaches, back when I had not been Dx'd with migraines yet. He would ask me question after question after question - I wanted to kill him as he was doing it, because to me it was just more noise to hurt my head. But eventually my attention would be so diverted that I would be able to forget the headache and relax, eventually calming the pain down a bit, if not totally getting rid of it.
The worst were the ones where I would hallucinate. Yes, I had massive hallucinations as a teen when they were coming. It only happened three times, but I can remember them as if they'd actually happened. The first time I hallucinated was in eighth grade. I'd gotten into a pretty massive fight with this girl, whose name I believe was Stacy, and I was sitting on the hall floor outside my homeroom teacher's class. The teacher was talking to someone, waiting for the principle to come and take care of us.
I sat angrily glaring at the wall. I wanted to kill that girl - she had walked by and dumped her lunch tray on my new white shirt, staining it with spaghetti sauce and chocolate milk. I stood up before the thing had stopped, asking her what the hell she thought she was doing. She said something about me being a "poor baby" and asked if I was going to "sick JC" on her. (FYI - JC was my best friend, and a total black-sheep kinda gal. I think she started having sex when she was eleven, and began fighting before that. She was beautiful, strong, fierce and passionate. She also wanted to kick my ass when I first moved in down the street from her, being the new girl and all. Somehow I killed her with kindness though, and we were best friends for years. She taught me how to fight, and although I rarely did, I could and would if I needed to) I told her to fuck-off, and she pushed me - too bad she didn't know Zee Rulz, eh?
I sat there against the hall wall, mind raging and tracing the lines of the tiles...diamonds, squares, blood in my hands, knuckles broken open. I had this strange calm, and I think I began to giggle. But then I saw them.
There were seven men in uniforms before me. Blue military uniforms and old hats. I could smell them too, the dust and sweat and blood from previous battles. They held their musket-bayonets at their sides, glaring coldly at me.
I heard "ready!" and they raised their rifles to point at my head.
I tried to stand, but I couldn't move...my hands were tied.
"Aim!"
I began yelling, screaming, "No no no!!!"
"Fire!"
Bullets flew at my head.
I woke up later in the principle's office, the lights seeming to glow around me. My friend Cerissa told me later that when I began screaming, my teacher freaked out and tried to control me as I starting clawing at the wall. She said I let out a blood-curdling scream when the teacher touched me, and passed out.
I had that hallucination three more times, all just before a migraine. The last time it happened, I slept for nearly twenty-four hours, and dreamed vivid, maddening dreams of chaos and destruction. There were fireballs falling from the sky in the final dream, massive balls of power. And inside each one, a distant relative stood, screaming for help, trying to get out but burning their flesh with every attempt. I watched the balls falling down on bridges and buildings, destroying everything in their path. Then it all paused, as if someone were playing with a VCR, and a giant crack went down the middle of the *screen*, and everything fell in shards of glass into oblivion.
When I woke up that day, the San Francisco earthquake had just happened.
All of my distant relatives were ok, which was a miracle considering they all live in the Bay Area.
The last migraine I had was a few years ago. I wound up in the hospital because of it, and had a bad reaction to the medication they gave me. I wound up getting Bells Palsy for about a month - easily one of the most horrible experiences of my life. I went through test after test, trying to find out what was going on in my brain to cause it.
It was then that we saw the crack in my skull, right about where my right temple is - the same place the migraines occurred.
I knew where it had come from, but hadn't ever considered that a crack existed. It happened as a result of a fall I had just before I turned seven. I was jumping up and down on a diving board, my footing slipped, and I hit my head on the concrete just before slipping into the pool, knocked out.
My sister had gotten me out, and Mr. Drake, the man whose house we were at, did CPR on me, saved my life.
I had some bruising, but being the resilient child that I was, I told my parents I was OK. My mom had wanted me to go to the hospital, but my dad told her to let me be - if I said I was all right, I must have been all right.
So, if you didn't know before, I have a cracked skull.
It supposedly has no effect on my actual brain. The Bells Palsy was a result of the medication they gave me, not bad brain waves.
And thanks to anyone who lasted this long...my headache is all but gone now.
but my head is killing me, and it might even be an OK kinda pain, had I earned it say, by drinking to the extent that others did.
But I didn't. I had one drink that lasted me three hours, thanks to
theswede. For the drink, not for the time...well, I liked seeing him in that time, but...yeah.I cannot tell if it is tension, sinus, or a migraine coming on. I haven't had the latter in a reeeally long time. From what I remember though, I would get halos beforehand, so I am hoping it's nothing like that.
I began getting migraines when I was about seven. My parents got into this massive fight, and my mother screamed something about going and not coming back, running out to her car and driving off like a lunatic. She came back several hours later, and they fought more, and she left again. This second argument woke me up, and I got a headache then.
I got up, my father tried to give me tylenol. I couldn't really swallow pills then, so my parents would mash them up and put them in a spoonful of kool-aid and sugar.
I vomited it back up this time.
blood hell...we have no pain medicine, other than Rx strength, in the house. I have to be at work by noon, so that won't do really. Otherwise I think I'd take my T3 and stay in bed for a few more hours.
also, I am rambling in hopes of forgetting I have the damn thing. My first boyfriend, Chris Goodwin (my first true love whom I think about everyday because he was truly the most wonderful guy ever - he never cheated on me, he always gave the best advice, and he was kind, considerate, and he just wanted so badly to be a good person - he was convinced by his asshole father for years that he was worthless and miserable - hence my need to stifle laughing at the bastard when he nearly cut his finger off chopping lettuce one fine summer's eve), he used to talk me through my headaches, back when I had not been Dx'd with migraines yet. He would ask me question after question after question - I wanted to kill him as he was doing it, because to me it was just more noise to hurt my head. But eventually my attention would be so diverted that I would be able to forget the headache and relax, eventually calming the pain down a bit, if not totally getting rid of it.
The worst were the ones where I would hallucinate. Yes, I had massive hallucinations as a teen when they were coming. It only happened three times, but I can remember them as if they'd actually happened. The first time I hallucinated was in eighth grade. I'd gotten into a pretty massive fight with this girl, whose name I believe was Stacy, and I was sitting on the hall floor outside my homeroom teacher's class. The teacher was talking to someone, waiting for the principle to come and take care of us.
I sat angrily glaring at the wall. I wanted to kill that girl - she had walked by and dumped her lunch tray on my new white shirt, staining it with spaghetti sauce and chocolate milk. I stood up before the thing had stopped, asking her what the hell she thought she was doing. She said something about me being a "poor baby" and asked if I was going to "sick JC" on her. (FYI - JC was my best friend, and a total black-sheep kinda gal. I think she started having sex when she was eleven, and began fighting before that. She was beautiful, strong, fierce and passionate. She also wanted to kick my ass when I first moved in down the street from her, being the new girl and all. Somehow I killed her with kindness though, and we were best friends for years. She taught me how to fight, and although I rarely did, I could and would if I needed to) I told her to fuck-off, and she pushed me - too bad she didn't know Zee Rulz, eh?
I sat there against the hall wall, mind raging and tracing the lines of the tiles...diamonds, squares, blood in my hands, knuckles broken open. I had this strange calm, and I think I began to giggle. But then I saw them.
There were seven men in uniforms before me. Blue military uniforms and old hats. I could smell them too, the dust and sweat and blood from previous battles. They held their musket-bayonets at their sides, glaring coldly at me.
I heard "ready!" and they raised their rifles to point at my head.
I tried to stand, but I couldn't move...my hands were tied.
"Aim!"
I began yelling, screaming, "No no no!!!"
"Fire!"
Bullets flew at my head.
I woke up later in the principle's office, the lights seeming to glow around me. My friend Cerissa told me later that when I began screaming, my teacher freaked out and tried to control me as I starting clawing at the wall. She said I let out a blood-curdling scream when the teacher touched me, and passed out.
I had that hallucination three more times, all just before a migraine. The last time it happened, I slept for nearly twenty-four hours, and dreamed vivid, maddening dreams of chaos and destruction. There were fireballs falling from the sky in the final dream, massive balls of power. And inside each one, a distant relative stood, screaming for help, trying to get out but burning their flesh with every attempt. I watched the balls falling down on bridges and buildings, destroying everything in their path. Then it all paused, as if someone were playing with a VCR, and a giant crack went down the middle of the *screen*, and everything fell in shards of glass into oblivion.
When I woke up that day, the San Francisco earthquake had just happened.
All of my distant relatives were ok, which was a miracle considering they all live in the Bay Area.
The last migraine I had was a few years ago. I wound up in the hospital because of it, and had a bad reaction to the medication they gave me. I wound up getting Bells Palsy for about a month - easily one of the most horrible experiences of my life. I went through test after test, trying to find out what was going on in my brain to cause it.
It was then that we saw the crack in my skull, right about where my right temple is - the same place the migraines occurred.
I knew where it had come from, but hadn't ever considered that a crack existed. It happened as a result of a fall I had just before I turned seven. I was jumping up and down on a diving board, my footing slipped, and I hit my head on the concrete just before slipping into the pool, knocked out.
My sister had gotten me out, and Mr. Drake, the man whose house we were at, did CPR on me, saved my life.
I had some bruising, but being the resilient child that I was, I told my parents I was OK. My mom had wanted me to go to the hospital, but my dad told her to let me be - if I said I was all right, I must have been all right.
So, if you didn't know before, I have a cracked skull.
It supposedly has no effect on my actual brain. The Bells Palsy was a result of the medication they gave me, not bad brain waves.
And thanks to anyone who lasted this long...my headache is all but gone now.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
I appreciate this insight into you, Dawn.
I hope the headache stays away...and if'n you ever gets one in my presence...I'm way-good with eliminating headaches with my goddess hands applied to scalp and temples. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-01-19 08:20 am (UTC)The fact that I hallucinate being shot by a buncha cracked-out soldiers, or the fact that I believe I had a prophetic dream when I was 14?
OR
the crack-in-my-skull part?
~;)
(((HUGZ!!!)))
no subject
Anytime someone opens their own personal can o' worms for us is a brave thing.
no subject
alsotonightstripclubyes.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-18 04:06 pm (UTC)andstripclubscanbefunespeciallywhenallyourwordsareinoneword
no subject
Date: 2003-01-19 08:22 am (UTC)cannot have a bad waft...no no no.
stripclubbingwasagoodideabutthepartywasfuntoo.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-20 11:01 am (UTC)thankfully i don't have these anymore but i do occationally have some mild waking hallucinations more in the form of sensing communications from things that don't speak. the mind is a odd thing indeed.