A farewell to remember
May. 30th, 2002 02:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thedarksiren2It's funny, how songs leave a lasting impact on you when something big occurs. I spent a greater part of Monday morning listening to "Bloodletting" by Concrete Blonde, particularly "Caroline" and "The Sky is a Poisonous Garden." Funny enough, later on at work I was musing the idea to call Q 104 and ask them if they had it - they were doing an "All '90's Memorial Weekend," and I thought maybe they would, but then got lost in my work.
An hour or so later, what came on the radio but "Caroline."
I was all happy-bouncy, giddy that a CLeveland station even had Concrete Blonde still, and that they didn't play "Joey."
When![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wraptboy called me to let me know what had happened to Bats, two things flew through my mind, almost simultaneously:
1. The scene in Stephen King's Pet Cemetery, where the little boy goes running out in front of the truck.
2. This line from the song, "Caroline":
In another life I see you as an angel flying high
And the hands of time will free you, you will cast the chains aside
And the dawn will come and kiss away every tear that's ever fallen from your eyes
*sigh!*
I spent most of last night trying to think of a song to sing, to say goodbye, to show I cared in a siren-way, between the working and the thunderstorming...work was a motion more than a chore, which it could have been had I succumbed to a certain employee who has difficulties with this 27 year old being her supervisor. But she only got silly with me once, and I put my foot down and ended it. Didn't mind the night at Howe House, almost enjoyed it, all things considered.
but as for the song...many came to mind, things I have sung at funerals, at coffee houses when I was mourning the loss of a friend. Songs are a dedication of love for me when in such circumstances. But then it occurred to me...the dog didn't care that I sang! LOL
He probably would have eaten my sheet music had I left it within his grasp! Goofy thing that he was.
:::smiles:::
Backtracking...wraptboy and I finally gave in to logic and sent Bats' remains to be cremated yesterday. I just lost it, there in the vet's office. The receptionist didn't know me, but she knew Jay, and gave her condolences.
He wasn't in the body anymore anyway. We both knew that.
We went to the cafe on Clifton afterwards for a brunch. I couldn't go home yet, and knew I wouldn't eat at home if I did. So I treated, and we talked about things, what we could do, with whom, etc.
When we got home, it was an amazing chain of events. We both just went around, gathering pieces of Bats' life lying about and placing them into his toy-box...his chew-toys, his bones, some of Butthead's feathers and seeds from the floor (Bats always chewed on them, often horfing them back up), a piece of the rug he was chewing up as well.wraptboy gave in to the slipper-war and cut off an M&M from his slippers and I gave in to the toy-war, offering my spider-toy that Bats always seemed to get ahold of, despite it's being on top of the doors. Yes, he got the last word in those respects, li'l poo-head! wraptboy put some scented oil in the box, and we placed the pretty purple flowers that the two of them gave me last week after a walk. The final piece was a part of a blanket that Bats once bled on, and we covered the top with it, then closed the lid and sighed together.
We would be going to the Temple of Lost Love to leave his box later in the night, with Jawndomay incense and a white pillar candle to remember him by. I sent out e-mails,wraptboy made calls.
I came home last night to findwraptboy host to a house full of people: bindrune, taewakan, hematite_cross, bobtwc, Veil, and Brian. I was a bit overwhelmed, even though I was thrilled and touched that they all wanted to be there, to say goodbye to the silly little dog with us. Veil brought us some Lebanese wine and berry-flavored incense, so before we left I said to wraptboy to include a piece in the memorial, and he grabbed a blue one. We all left then, the box now sealed with wax via the love of wraptboy, bindrune carrying Bats' old rug and chewy-bone.
As I went to walk down the front porch steps, Veil handed me a small silken bag..."I bought you a good luck charm. It's made of bone." I smiled and thanked him graciously.
I got into my car and looked in the bag: it was an ankh charm. He is just such an amazingly thoughtful person...it really touched me.
With the great navigating skills ofbindrune, we made it to the Temple of Lost Love without a hitch. We even parked right outside of it. I was a bit surprised that no one gave us a hard time, seeing as it was 1AM and a bunch of people were walking under a downtown bridge together - totally suspicious we were! But we went, all of us digesting the surroundings, searching for the right place.
For those who do not know the Temple of Lost Love, it is a space where an artist did some amazing works, and it has since become a shrine to Lost Loves
. There are two sides, one which is madly alive with heartbreak and bitterness, anger and sadness. There are a few small areas that are hopeful, but mostly it is a maelstrom of emotions too great to contain.
The other side, the one facing the river, has a painting of The Reaper, and although in a generalized context it would seem more scary or distrubing, it felt more peaceful calm, and had hopeful words. It is the memorial side, and not angry or nearly so lost as the front. We decided to lay the box here, just west of the reaper's robes.
wraptboy held the box, eventually handing to me at some point...some of this gets fuzzy, but I recall feeling the energy from it, the love and warmth, and the good-bye. I asked Veil to hold it too, knowing that he adored Bats so much. He looked so stricken, handed it back.
When the box was set down, I askedwraptboy to light the candle. We melted some wax onto the box, and set it down in the center. I then handed the blue incense to Veil, and he lit it, placing it gently into the burner. I then lit the Jawndomay incense, placing it beside the blue, and they smelled amazing together. As the three of us did this, the rest of those with us stood in a semi-circle surrounding us. It was safe, so safe.
wraptboy took out Bats' paperwork - he was a purebred Italian greyhound, one year and two months old, almost to the day, when he died. We passed around a picture of him, and wraptboy handed Veil and me pieces of the paperwork. He started the burning, lighting it from the main candle, then Veil followed suit. I set mine aflame, almost catching my arm on fire with the grace that I am LOL. And the picture came back to wraptboy, who held it, shaking. I reached over and took it from him, throwing it in the flames, and I think we all shuddered as it burned away, burning almost perfectly from the outer edges in, the last of the image being Bats' face, and then his eyes, before it was gone.
We all stood around, talking about Bats, what a goofy creature he was...taewakan mentioned how funny it is that the dog probably isn't even aware he's dead. he's probably bouncing around all the spirits, driving them bonkers in the afterlife.
*bounce! romp! smash!*
I can totally see this. We all could.
I took some pictures, and we all noted the presence of a single crane circling us throughout the night, wondering what the significance was. I know it is a Japanese symbol, but of what I do not know. It was comforting though, made me think of renewal, rebirth and light.
We all filtered out eventually, meeting at the cars, saying our own goodbye to Bats and whatever other loves crept into our memories while we were there, and headed back to Jawndomay to drink some wine and beer. Brian drank mini-bottles of tequila rose...interesting little concoction, that shtuff.
It was nice to have everyone around, to have the new bodies in the house, to have laughter here again. I missed it tremendously. And as people tapered off, I shared pictures of my life with Veil, and he told us his first poem he wrote as a child. I then sang him my first song I ever sang, and then somehow he convinced my drunk but to sing, "You Light Up My Life" for him. Did I mention the wine was strong?
Brian fell out before we started the poetry and singing. I sprinkled the boi with fairy-dust while he slept, andwraptboy, Veil and I all giggled at him in his sparkling-way. I eventually mentioned how creepy it was that Brian looks like the first guy I ever loved, keeping in mind that he is just 19 (ugh!) and not Christopher Goodwin. I even showed the picture to Veil and wraptboy.
Brian woke up to my trying to use him as a footstool, and I asked him if he was related to the Goodwins. He told me no, but when he said his last name was Christopher, I about died, and we all laughed.
The night ended in wonderful hugs and thank yous, telling one another how good each of us is as people, and then there was sleep.
And Jawndomay remains still and quiet, but feels much more at peace now.
An hour or so later, what came on the radio but "Caroline."
I was all happy-bouncy, giddy that a CLeveland station even had Concrete Blonde still, and that they didn't play "Joey."
When
wraptboy called me to let me know what had happened to Bats, two things flew through my mind, almost simultaneously:1. The scene in Stephen King's Pet Cemetery, where the little boy goes running out in front of the truck.
2. This line from the song, "Caroline":
In another life I see you as an angel flying high
And the hands of time will free you, you will cast the chains aside
And the dawn will come and kiss away every tear that's ever fallen from your eyes
*sigh!*
I spent most of last night trying to think of a song to sing, to say goodbye, to show I cared in a siren-way, between the working and the thunderstorming...work was a motion more than a chore, which it could have been had I succumbed to a certain employee who has difficulties with this 27 year old being her supervisor. But she only got silly with me once, and I put my foot down and ended it. Didn't mind the night at Howe House, almost enjoyed it, all things considered.
but as for the song...many came to mind, things I have sung at funerals, at coffee houses when I was mourning the loss of a friend. Songs are a dedication of love for me when in such circumstances. But then it occurred to me...the dog didn't care that I sang! LOL
He probably would have eaten my sheet music had I left it within his grasp! Goofy thing that he was.
:::smiles:::
Backtracking...
wraptboy and I finally gave in to logic and sent Bats' remains to be cremated yesterday. I just lost it, there in the vet's office. The receptionist didn't know me, but she knew Jay, and gave her condolences. He wasn't in the body anymore anyway. We both knew that.
We went to the cafe on Clifton afterwards for a brunch. I couldn't go home yet, and knew I wouldn't eat at home if I did. So I treated, and we talked about things, what we could do, with whom, etc.
When we got home, it was an amazing chain of events. We both just went around, gathering pieces of Bats' life lying about and placing them into his toy-box...his chew-toys, his bones, some of Butthead's feathers and seeds from the floor (Bats always chewed on them, often horfing them back up), a piece of the rug he was chewing up as well.
wraptboy gave in to the slipper-war and cut off an M&M from his slippers and I gave in to the toy-war, offering my spider-toy that Bats always seemed to get ahold of, despite it's being on top of the doors. Yes, he got the last word in those respects, li'l poo-head! wraptboy put some scented oil in the box, and we placed the pretty purple flowers that the two of them gave me last week after a walk. The final piece was a part of a blanket that Bats once bled on, and we covered the top with it, then closed the lid and sighed together.We would be going to the Temple of Lost Love to leave his box later in the night, with Jawndomay incense and a white pillar candle to remember him by. I sent out e-mails,
wraptboy made calls.I came home last night to find
wraptboy host to a house full of people: bindrune, taewakan, hematite_cross, bobtwc, Veil, and Brian. I was a bit overwhelmed, even though I was thrilled and touched that they all wanted to be there, to say goodbye to the silly little dog with us. Veil brought us some Lebanese wine and berry-flavored incense, so before we left I said to wraptboy to include a piece in the memorial, and he grabbed a blue one. We all left then, the box now sealed with wax via the love of wraptboy, bindrune carrying Bats' old rug and chewy-bone.As I went to walk down the front porch steps, Veil handed me a small silken bag..."I bought you a good luck charm. It's made of bone." I smiled and thanked him graciously.
I got into my car and looked in the bag: it was an ankh charm. He is just such an amazingly thoughtful person...it really touched me.
With the great navigating skills of
bindrune, we made it to the Temple of Lost Love without a hitch. We even parked right outside of it. I was a bit surprised that no one gave us a hard time, seeing as it was 1AM and a bunch of people were walking under a downtown bridge together - totally suspicious we were! But we went, all of us digesting the surroundings, searching for the right place. For those who do not know the Temple of Lost Love, it is a space where an artist did some amazing works, and it has since become a shrine to Lost Loves
. There are two sides, one which is madly alive with heartbreak and bitterness, anger and sadness. There are a few small areas that are hopeful, but mostly it is a maelstrom of emotions too great to contain.
The other side, the one facing the river, has a painting of The Reaper, and although in a generalized context it would seem more scary or distrubing, it felt more peaceful calm, and had hopeful words. It is the memorial side, and not angry or nearly so lost as the front. We decided to lay the box here, just west of the reaper's robes.
wraptboy held the box, eventually handing to me at some point...some of this gets fuzzy, but I recall feeling the energy from it, the love and warmth, and the good-bye. I asked Veil to hold it too, knowing that he adored Bats so much. He looked so stricken, handed it back.When the box was set down, I asked
wraptboy to light the candle. We melted some wax onto the box, and set it down in the center. I then handed the blue incense to Veil, and he lit it, placing it gently into the burner. I then lit the Jawndomay incense, placing it beside the blue, and they smelled amazing together. As the three of us did this, the rest of those with us stood in a semi-circle surrounding us. It was safe, so safe.wraptboy took out Bats' paperwork - he was a purebred Italian greyhound, one year and two months old, almost to the day, when he died. We passed around a picture of him, and wraptboy handed Veil and me pieces of the paperwork. He started the burning, lighting it from the main candle, then Veil followed suit. I set mine aflame, almost catching my arm on fire with the grace that I am LOL. And the picture came back to wraptboy, who held it, shaking. I reached over and took it from him, throwing it in the flames, and I think we all shuddered as it burned away, burning almost perfectly from the outer edges in, the last of the image being Bats' face, and then his eyes, before it was gone.We all stood around, talking about Bats, what a goofy creature he was...
taewakan mentioned how funny it is that the dog probably isn't even aware he's dead. he's probably bouncing around all the spirits, driving them bonkers in the afterlife.*bounce! romp! smash!*
I can totally see this. We all could.
I took some pictures, and we all noted the presence of a single crane circling us throughout the night, wondering what the significance was. I know it is a Japanese symbol, but of what I do not know. It was comforting though, made me think of renewal, rebirth and light.
We all filtered out eventually, meeting at the cars, saying our own goodbye to Bats and whatever other loves crept into our memories while we were there, and headed back to Jawndomay to drink some wine and beer. Brian drank mini-bottles of tequila rose...interesting little concoction, that shtuff.
It was nice to have everyone around, to have the new bodies in the house, to have laughter here again. I missed it tremendously. And as people tapered off, I shared pictures of my life with Veil, and he told us his first poem he wrote as a child. I then sang him my first song I ever sang, and then somehow he convinced my drunk but to sing, "You Light Up My Life" for him. Did I mention the wine was strong?
Brian fell out before we started the poetry and singing. I sprinkled the boi with fairy-dust while he slept, and
wraptboy, Veil and I all giggled at him in his sparkling-way. I eventually mentioned how creepy it was that Brian looks like the first guy I ever loved, keeping in mind that he is just 19 (ugh!) and not Christopher Goodwin. I even showed the picture to Veil and wraptboy. Brian woke up to my trying to use him as a footstool, and I asked him if he was related to the Goodwins. He told me no, but when he said his last name was Christopher, I about died, and we all laughed.
The night ended in wonderful hugs and thank yous, telling one another how good each of us is as people, and then there was sleep.
And Jawndomay remains still and quiet, but feels much more at peace now.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-05-30 01:59 pm (UTC)It took me a minute to figure out you linked to the photos I shot this weekend. Something told me when shooting those pictures that they would be more than just a memory. The Temple is a pretty intense place... and very appropriate for the memorial to Bats.
*hugs*
no subject
I hope you didn't mind...or
Thank you sweetie!
(((HUGZ!)))
Re:
Date: 2002-05-30 02:13 pm (UTC)There are actually more pictures than what I scanned in. I shot an entire roll of film between the two trips I made to the Temple this past weekend. I'm glad the pictures were of use to you. And I don't mind in the least about you using them.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2002-05-30 04:00 pm (UTC)I hope this ceremony brought a bit of peace to your soul.