thoughts right now

I think that if I ever met Damien Rice, the first thing I'd do is grab his face in my hands, glare painfully into his eyes, merely inches from each other's, search for the sadness and then I kiss him furiously until I sucked his breath away.

Then, I'd knee him in the nuts for writing such incredibly sad music, spit on his crumbling body, and possibly just do away with him.

But not really.

He just makes my nights longer.

Kind of like the a la carte to my personal apple pie, piping hot and dripping with irony.



Missing.
*sigh*

taking chances

speaking with my heart instead of my mind.

well, it's spoken, and now my mind is screaming, "I fucking TOLD YOU SO!"

I want to twist it up, like in one of those mop-wringers, squeeze all the doubt and fear away. It's irrational, as it usually is. It is there though, and I cannot stand silence on days like this.

Deep, dreamless sleep. I had a dream I was in an asylum the other night thanks to Xen. She always talk about the weirdest most fun shtuff. I swear I will make it to Mansfield before I move away. I think a night of The Creeps would be rad.

If I sit still and quietly for a while, I have vision of walking barefoot in the snow, and icicles hang from my lashes. It's like I am still dreaming, even though I awake and don't remember the former state of dreams in order to use the word "still."

Of course, "still" denotes stillness, and I am definitely not the most still person. Fidgety, distracted by every sound...I see things that aren't there out of my peripheral view and cast them aside as ghosts. Whose lives they were is another story.

Funny, wraptboy goes on about how quiet his mind is right now, about how his creativity is dragging, and he is just kind of existing. Sometimes I like that state, and the past few weeks I have wanted that kind of calm. Thing is, in all of this I know that it's going to get worse before it gets better. Call it fatalistic, but really, I know it. I'd say it is self-fulfilling prophecy, but really all it has to do with is how my life is changing...that, and the Tower Card.

OK, poliwitch and andragon, here's the low-down on that tarot reading I mentioned a few weeks ago. I think I get it, but some second and third opinions would be appreciated. I am only so skilled with this, so if you two (or anyone else feeling like sharing their perspective, who also knows the Toth deck) would give me your opinionz, I'd be ever-so-thankful.

( and now for the oddity of it all )

Just because it struck me as something I wished to do right fucking now

THINGS I LIKE:

-writing the capital letters "G" and "F" in cursive.
-nuzzling noses with people I adore.
-coffee swirls.
-clouds, and the menageries hiding in them.
-kind, considerate people.
-hugs. lots and lots of hugs.
-clear communication.
-contorted facial expressions (including the Porn Star face~8).
-listening to kids' views on the world.
-the feeling of knowing I finally got something in Music rapery Theory and/ or math.
-feeling safe and secure in my decisions.
-knowing someone trusts me completely, and I them.
-the Cleveland skyline.
-boys with pretty eyes.
-girls with sexy mouths.
-writing for sisrahtac.
-playing "war" on AIM with people...I almost always lose too.
-knowing so many amazing people all around the world.
-having such outstanding people in my life, especially my family and my bestest friends, Jay, Kelly, and Amy.
-that I have done more in 29 years than many people have at 80.
-The way my dog runs with her butt tucked underneath her body...AKA "Butt-running."
-Every morning I am greeted with cat-calls from a bird who's in love with a dog.
-I am surrounded by incredible creativity at all times.
-Sharing any and all life experiences with others.
-Listening to others.
-TREES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-and, of course, music.

There are more things, but I am running out of time here. So, next...

THINGS I DISLIKE:

-Rude people.
-Drama-mongers.
-beets.
-Vienna Sausage in a can.
-Sardines.
-The smell of nursing homes.
-Wakes.
-Not knowing what's going on in a situation that I am directly involved with.
-Uncertainty overall kind of sucks.
-Music Theory Rapery.
-Keanu Reeves.
-Ignorance.
-Prejudice, of any sort.
-Liars.
-Hypocrites.
-The words "yesh" and "snarky" (no offense to anyone, they just urk me for no good reason at all. I still adore many people who use the words...it's just the words though, not them, that I dislike~8)
-Silence in the midst of uncertainty.

OK, that about does it for now. Just had to get this shtuff out into the ether or whatever.

Tell me what you like and/ or dislike, if you feel like sharing.~8)