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Holiday angst
Dec. 23rd, 2002 12:33 pmwoke up late due to tromping around Walmart till 4AM with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wraptboy and bindrune.
We were caught on camera having wrapping-paper sword fights!
*gigglz*
Sad thing is, I am not done yet.
I am not ready for these holidays.
Between school and work and just running myself to rags, I didn't even get cards out. If nothing else, I *always* get cards out for the holidays.
***
Such the mess, my head, these walls, my heart...torn to bits and strands. I wanna do what is right so much, but sometimes the right thing just feels like it's so damn wrong.
Who made the decision to be authoritative? Who decided "Hey, this is what is right, this is what is wrong," ?
I hate the They in life. They piss me off most of all.
***
I am not sending cards out this year. well, maybe I will. I have gotten plenty, and it's not that i don't WANT to. I just had no time to do it. Hell, I am leaving my house in twenty minutes to go brave the horror that is the consumer's world so that I can finish up the shopping for people because I had no time before now!
Holidays = stress.
Don't buy me shtuff...just hold me, and tell me you are my friend.
I'll make you a mixed tape if you tell me a story about your childhood.
I'll sing you a song, a lullaby even, if you smile when I walk into the room.
All this, this presumption, this obligated bullshit to buy gifts, to guess what people want and/ or need - it's sickening to me in many ways. I miss the togetherness, when my brothers and sisters and I would wake up super-early, and we'd wait and wait in the hallway or mom and dad to get up - we weren't allowed in the living room to open gifts till they got up.
One year my two oldest brothers ran into mom and dad's room yelling, "FIRE! The tree's on fire!!"
I think I told that story last year...it's a fun memory, thinking about my dad getting up all frantic and in his boxers...funny funny funny.
*sigh*
The past few holidays have revealed such dysfunction in my family, how selfish many of them are, and how that selfishness can impact the rest of them in physical deterioration.
I told my mom a few days ago that I would leave their house on Christmas day if it was anything like Thanksgiving. She assured me it wouldn't be.
Promises are word-like.
actions are dancing in certainty.
I like knowing everything is OK, even if for a moment.
Time to finish shopping. *sigh*
wraptboy and bindrune.We were caught on camera having wrapping-paper sword fights!
*gigglz*
Sad thing is, I am not done yet.
I am not ready for these holidays.
Between school and work and just running myself to rags, I didn't even get cards out. If nothing else, I *always* get cards out for the holidays.
***
Such the mess, my head, these walls, my heart...torn to bits and strands. I wanna do what is right so much, but sometimes the right thing just feels like it's so damn wrong.
Who made the decision to be authoritative? Who decided "Hey, this is what is right, this is what is wrong," ?
I hate the They in life. They piss me off most of all.
***
I am not sending cards out this year. well, maybe I will. I have gotten plenty, and it's not that i don't WANT to. I just had no time to do it. Hell, I am leaving my house in twenty minutes to go brave the horror that is the consumer's world so that I can finish up the shopping for people because I had no time before now!
Holidays = stress.
Don't buy me shtuff...just hold me, and tell me you are my friend.
I'll make you a mixed tape if you tell me a story about your childhood.
I'll sing you a song, a lullaby even, if you smile when I walk into the room.
All this, this presumption, this obligated bullshit to buy gifts, to guess what people want and/ or need - it's sickening to me in many ways. I miss the togetherness, when my brothers and sisters and I would wake up super-early, and we'd wait and wait in the hallway or mom and dad to get up - we weren't allowed in the living room to open gifts till they got up.
One year my two oldest brothers ran into mom and dad's room yelling, "FIRE! The tree's on fire!!"
I think I told that story last year...it's a fun memory, thinking about my dad getting up all frantic and in his boxers...funny funny funny.
*sigh*
The past few holidays have revealed such dysfunction in my family, how selfish many of them are, and how that selfishness can impact the rest of them in physical deterioration.
I told my mom a few days ago that I would leave their house on Christmas day if it was anything like Thanksgiving. She assured me it wouldn't be.
Promises are word-like.
actions are dancing in certainty.
I like knowing everything is OK, even if for a moment.
Time to finish shopping. *sigh*
