Weekend of meandering and mellow pt. one
Sep. 8th, 2002 03:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thedarksiren2After work Friday, I found ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wraptboy on the porch with 10 empty bottles of Newcastle, an eleventh open in his hand, and a twelfth still warm and cozy in it's case. There was also a taewakan sitting on the porch, a proud med-passer to boot.
I had talked tohaloed13 and spinmistress (via haloed13's AIM) about making it out to the Chamber the night before, but i was broke as hayel, and thought that saving my dough for a meal and gas was much more important than getting into the club. I did feel bad, however, that I missed android23's birthday jig...I hope you can forgive me!
bladernr asked me to call him via Todd's phone when i got home from work, so i did; they were on their way to Jawndomay. Something about a Duck island that Irene spoke of...I know of no such island (and suddenly I want to watch Braveheart, just to see that crazy Irish guy say, "It's Muh island!" LOL)
I also calledsharpshinyclaws, who was watching the best of Annie Lennox with a friend named Buddy and some other people whom I met late in the evening.
bladernr came into Jawndomay for the first time, headed straight for the slanted-bathroom and, on his return, mentioned how our place was set up for stoners. I reassured him that I used to be a big pothead/ acidhead, remnants still clinging to the braincells, and my roommate is just a screwball. He nodded and understood, smiling.
Oh and the Chloebearmonster, in all her wiles, wagged her bendy-bottom at him, chasing water-gun shots while he called people names on his cellphone. teehee!
We met up with Todd amongst the strangest of crowds at the Molten cafe, and sleepy-slow music. I was tired from work, and Todd andbladernr were rather sedate due to their previous engagements; we wound up noting pseudo-gypsies, screeching metalheads who were close to nine-months, and strange tattoos that made no sense in our visual capacities.
No Irene, no idea where the Duck-Island is...we wait.
Up the stairs camesharpshinyclaws in the most astounding of fashions...floor-length, polyester sea-foam green gown, princess-cut with a neck-clasp and eighteen nipple-holders. Whoever built the dress must have been fond of mutants. BUT, she pulled it off with savoir faire, and was oh-so glamorous!
bladernr bought me rum and cokes, STRONG ones (he said it wasn't the "cheap rum." Ummm...OK. I have no culture in this dept. apparently!)and while he and Todd were up at the bar, sharpshinyclaws friends came and joined us. They were a fun, boisterous bunch, and I could have spoken more with them but it was a strange night, and boys who like girls who like girls who like boys might curdle with a li'l heat, settling like oil and water.
And then there was A.
*sigh!*
A. was very very very drunk. Trashed even. he kept coming over and lingering, squatting next to my chair off and on, patting me on the leg or the shoulder. I asked him if he was OK - he asked me to "Be there" for him. Then it changed; "be here for me."
I asked him which it was because they are two separate ideas.
He leaned in closely, eyes closed a moment - he swayed. His hand moved up my leg...I stop him, abruptly, and push his hand off of me.
I kept trying to talk with Todd, but A. just went on and on, interrupting...Todd seemed unhappy, but I had no idea why - I felt kinda bad about it, but had other messes to clean up as A. stood up and leaned down to try to kiss me. I turned my face from him, leaving him my cheek, and told him to go chill out.
Eventually, A. wound up taking oversharpshinyclaws' perch, and began telling me how much he respected me...oh yeah. here we go.
He said i could discuss things with him that no one else could, and he really liked that about me. He then went on by inserting his all-too-practiced foot in his mouth:
"I mean, like, yeah you don't have the larger breasts or the darker hair that I like, but like, you are so beautiful, and i really respect you or I would have simply tried to get you in bed by now."
I knew it was a compliment, coming from him, but damn if I didn't want to just hit him.
He went on about how I treat him, and asked if I really hated him. I reassured him I don't hate him - I hate very few people, maybe three - I just have a no BS meter, and he's not used to it. He said that's part of what he likes about me, that I am so honest. A few more words got jumbled in his slurs, and something slipped out about having love to give me whensharpshinyclaws and bladernr interrupted, saying we should all go back to bladernr's house and watch Repo Man.
I all but jumped from my seat. Horrible reaction to some, I imagine, but well, I'll explain more about pursuit in a bit. There is method to my madness.
sharpshinyclaws and I came back to Jawndomay so that i could use the bathroom. Upon my return back downstairs, bladernr had perched himself on the porch alongside our comrade, and assured me that he didn't invite A. back to his house, which was good - I don't think I could have been polite about things much longer.
And on the way tobladernr's house, A. came flying by in his convertible, hair trailing in the wind, drunk and having no business driving at all. I felt bad, but then, he wasn't my responsibility and made his choice to drive. I do hope he made it home safely.
We got through about 1/2 of Repo Man whenbladernr's neighbor's got home and gave us their best re-enactment of a Jerry Springer show. People got sleepy, and I gave sharpshinyclaws a ride home.
On the ride home we discussed my pursuing people a bit. She had asked me earlier about having fun with someone whom she thought I was interested in. Now, he is attractive and intelligent and interesting, polite and well-spoken...all of these things are great values to me (yes, I like polite people a LOT! It shows you have regard for other people); unfortunately, I am such a busy person, and have experienced first-hand what my busy-ness and need for self-creation do to people I date (ie - they resent me a lot and I feel like a selfish asshole for pursuing my dreams)and therefore choose not to date at all right now.
Yes, there are a few people whom I am very attracted to and would love nothing more than to spend time talking about the world and losing myself in them, if only to get to know them better and find their kindness overwhelming around me. I adore how their creative minds work, and to get a glimpse, to crawl inside, I am sure, would be breathtaking.
Then again, it might not.
I don't know. I just like to think so...there is a romantic person in the depths of me who loves the courtship, the opening of doors and holding hands, the long, sensual kisses...I miss those things. But mostly I miss the flattery of having someone reveal themselves to me slowly, like a lifetime novel.
That is amazing. I like my independence, but believe that the ultimate existence in this plain is interdependence.
So, I keep on keeping on, loving my friends dearly, knowing a few who are kind enough to kiss me when I need a kiss, always willing to hug me and help me remember I am cared about. Until I can find the time to work on relationships, or one just falls into my lap and the person is strong and sure enough with themselves to handle who I am and what it is I am trying to accomplish, I will keep living vicariously through those around me in loving, happy relationships, noting the good and the bad, making my criteria for the future strong and unshakable.
wraptboy on the porch with 10 empty bottles of Newcastle, an eleventh open in his hand, and a twelfth still warm and cozy in it's case. There was also a taewakan sitting on the porch, a proud med-passer to boot.I had talked to
haloed13 and spinmistress (via haloed13's AIM) about making it out to the Chamber the night before, but i was broke as hayel, and thought that saving my dough for a meal and gas was much more important than getting into the club. I did feel bad, however, that I missed android23's birthday jig...I hope you can forgive me!bladernr asked me to call him via Todd's phone when i got home from work, so i did; they were on their way to Jawndomay. Something about a Duck island that Irene spoke of...I know of no such island (and suddenly I want to watch Braveheart, just to see that crazy Irish guy say, "It's Muh island!" LOL)I also called
sharpshinyclaws, who was watching the best of Annie Lennox with a friend named Buddy and some other people whom I met late in the evening.bladernr came into Jawndomay for the first time, headed straight for the slanted-bathroom and, on his return, mentioned how our place was set up for stoners. I reassured him that I used to be a big pothead/ acidhead, remnants still clinging to the braincells, and my roommate is just a screwball. He nodded and understood, smiling.Oh and the Chloebearmonster, in all her wiles, wagged her bendy-bottom at him, chasing water-gun shots while he called people names on his cellphone. teehee!
We met up with Todd amongst the strangest of crowds at the Molten cafe, and sleepy-slow music. I was tired from work, and Todd and
bladernr were rather sedate due to their previous engagements; we wound up noting pseudo-gypsies, screeching metalheads who were close to nine-months, and strange tattoos that made no sense in our visual capacities.No Irene, no idea where the Duck-Island is...we wait.
Up the stairs came
sharpshinyclaws in the most astounding of fashions...floor-length, polyester sea-foam green gown, princess-cut with a neck-clasp and eighteen nipple-holders. Whoever built the dress must have been fond of mutants. BUT, she pulled it off with savoir faire, and was oh-so glamorous!bladernr bought me rum and cokes, STRONG ones (he said it wasn't the "cheap rum." Ummm...OK. I have no culture in this dept. apparently!)and while he and Todd were up at the bar, sharpshinyclaws friends came and joined us. They were a fun, boisterous bunch, and I could have spoken more with them but it was a strange night, and boys who like girls who like girls who like boys might curdle with a li'l heat, settling like oil and water. And then there was A.
*sigh!*
A. was very very very drunk. Trashed even. he kept coming over and lingering, squatting next to my chair off and on, patting me on the leg or the shoulder. I asked him if he was OK - he asked me to "Be there" for him. Then it changed; "be here for me."
I asked him which it was because they are two separate ideas.
He leaned in closely, eyes closed a moment - he swayed. His hand moved up my leg...I stop him, abruptly, and push his hand off of me.
I kept trying to talk with Todd, but A. just went on and on, interrupting...Todd seemed unhappy, but I had no idea why - I felt kinda bad about it, but had other messes to clean up as A. stood up and leaned down to try to kiss me. I turned my face from him, leaving him my cheek, and told him to go chill out.
Eventually, A. wound up taking over
sharpshinyclaws' perch, and began telling me how much he respected me...oh yeah. here we go.He said i could discuss things with him that no one else could, and he really liked that about me. He then went on by inserting his all-too-practiced foot in his mouth:
"I mean, like, yeah you don't have the larger breasts or the darker hair that I like, but like, you are so beautiful, and i really respect you or I would have simply tried to get you in bed by now."
I knew it was a compliment, coming from him, but damn if I didn't want to just hit him.
He went on about how I treat him, and asked if I really hated him. I reassured him I don't hate him - I hate very few people, maybe three - I just have a no BS meter, and he's not used to it. He said that's part of what he likes about me, that I am so honest. A few more words got jumbled in his slurs, and something slipped out about having love to give me when
sharpshinyclaws and bladernr interrupted, saying we should all go back to bladernr's house and watch Repo Man. I all but jumped from my seat. Horrible reaction to some, I imagine, but well, I'll explain more about pursuit in a bit. There is method to my madness.
sharpshinyclaws and I came back to Jawndomay so that i could use the bathroom. Upon my return back downstairs, bladernr had perched himself on the porch alongside our comrade, and assured me that he didn't invite A. back to his house, which was good - I don't think I could have been polite about things much longer.And on the way to
bladernr's house, A. came flying by in his convertible, hair trailing in the wind, drunk and having no business driving at all. I felt bad, but then, he wasn't my responsibility and made his choice to drive. I do hope he made it home safely.We got through about 1/2 of Repo Man when
bladernr's neighbor's got home and gave us their best re-enactment of a Jerry Springer show. People got sleepy, and I gave sharpshinyclaws a ride home.On the ride home we discussed my pursuing people a bit. She had asked me earlier about having fun with someone whom she thought I was interested in. Now, he is attractive and intelligent and interesting, polite and well-spoken...all of these things are great values to me (yes, I like polite people a LOT! It shows you have regard for other people); unfortunately, I am such a busy person, and have experienced first-hand what my busy-ness and need for self-creation do to people I date (ie - they resent me a lot and I feel like a selfish asshole for pursuing my dreams)and therefore choose not to date at all right now.
Yes, there are a few people whom I am very attracted to and would love nothing more than to spend time talking about the world and losing myself in them, if only to get to know them better and find their kindness overwhelming around me. I adore how their creative minds work, and to get a glimpse, to crawl inside, I am sure, would be breathtaking.
Then again, it might not.
I don't know. I just like to think so...there is a romantic person in the depths of me who loves the courtship, the opening of doors and holding hands, the long, sensual kisses...I miss those things. But mostly I miss the flattery of having someone reveal themselves to me slowly, like a lifetime novel.
That is amazing. I like my independence, but believe that the ultimate existence in this plain is interdependence.
So, I keep on keeping on, loving my friends dearly, knowing a few who are kind enough to kiss me when I need a kiss, always willing to hug me and help me remember I am cared about. Until I can find the time to work on relationships, or one just falls into my lap and the person is strong and sure enough with themselves to handle who I am and what it is I am trying to accomplish, I will keep living vicariously through those around me in loving, happy relationships, noting the good and the bad, making my criteria for the future strong and unshakable.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
More on A.
I think he means well, and feel kind of sorry for him. I mean, he really is rather lonesome, has even confessed such to me and to
I guess my standards are higher now than they were a few years back...I am picky and bitchy...I have the right to be though, after some of the BS I have gone through. And not to say others haven't gone through similar, or even worse, but I take those experiences and try to learn from them. If I didn't I would end up like Scott and keep repeating patterns and settling for less than I am worth. eff that.
OK, enough with my words. I need to play some chopsticks.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-08 08:06 pm (UTC)Gar.
Thanx
no subject
As for A., I just try to be polite to him. I evn told him that night that he isn't a threat to me, but that I know he is relatively harmless in the grand scheme of things. This, of course, sent him on a whirlwind of drunken thought...he is reckless and all, you know. ~;P Thank you for noting the honesty though.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-08 10:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Truth is, driving around more than school and work is hard for me. I may have to borrow money from the roommate before week's end for gas. I went out to Lakewood Saturday...in as much as I had fun and it was free, I am really low on gas now. ~8/
Thank you for being so thoughtful though. I will be out to see you soon at the shop, if not at the Chamber.