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Oct. 6th, 2003 09:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thedarksiren2I feel like someone placed a load of bricks on my back all night. I just cannot get motivated for anything.
bleh.
yeah yeah, lack of sleep. See "insomnia."
*sigh!*
You always know it's a Monday when you mourn the loss of a weekend. It wasn't a loss at all, but it has passed, and tomorrow will never be like yesterday.
I feel like I could ramble off a thousand crytpic wisdoms if given the chance to speak to someone right now. Instead, I think I might stay quiet unless someone speaks to me first today. A test of my will, although staying awake might be just as much a test.
I thought I was on the phone talking to Lisa, Amy's sister who lives in Vermont. Only, she wasn't living in Vermont, she was living in the mountains in VA. We were talking about me coming down to visit, and ideas of camping were tossed about. Somehow I had access to someone's cabin; in fact, it may have been Melissa's, seeing as she lives right around where Lisa was supposed to be living. I told Lisa to tell Amy to meet us at the cabin.
Next thing I know, it's like a flash of images...I am outside, lying belly-down in the snow, watching the ice build on the stairway to the back porch. I reach out to touch it, and my nails begin digging into the layers, picking through them. There was something red, blinking, beneath them.
I hear Lisa inside, laughing and carrying on. I can feel Amy's discomfort with her sister, and sense Catherine who, in real life, has been dead about three years. I look up to see, because I have to know it's her. Sure enough, she is serving them eggnog. Amy's left arm is tucked against her body, Lisa is rip-roaring drunk and Catherine keeps telling them to behave.
Icicles form on my lashes, and I realize I have been crying. The red keeps blinking below the ice, and I keep digging. I notice my fingertips are turning blue, and marvel at the contrast between the colors. Everything together looks like a swirled slurpee.
I realize that the red thing is an alarm clock, outside for when Dad (but not my dad?) is raking leaves and wants to know that dinner is ready. It's blinking 3:09 P.M., over and over again, and the buzz is causing my ears to blister inside.
I feel the burning, and put a handful of ice into my ear canals. The ice is covered in blood, melting down my face. Lisa sticks her head out the door to tell me dinner is ready.
"Nice style," she says, drooling.
I look up, crying except for my eyes are frozen in the wind, which has picked up. The ice pellets batter me from behind. Lisa gets cold and tells me, "Have it your way. Stay out here and freeze," and shuts the door, locking it behind her.
The clock keeps blinking the same time, over and over.
Catherine is gone now.
Amy is sitting in a corner behind a large chair somewhere inside, crying and rocking herself happier.
I am frozen in time.
bleh.
yeah yeah, lack of sleep. See "insomnia."
*sigh!*
You always know it's a Monday when you mourn the loss of a weekend. It wasn't a loss at all, but it has passed, and tomorrow will never be like yesterday.
I feel like I could ramble off a thousand crytpic wisdoms if given the chance to speak to someone right now. Instead, I think I might stay quiet unless someone speaks to me first today. A test of my will, although staying awake might be just as much a test.
I thought I was on the phone talking to Lisa, Amy's sister who lives in Vermont. Only, she wasn't living in Vermont, she was living in the mountains in VA. We were talking about me coming down to visit, and ideas of camping were tossed about. Somehow I had access to someone's cabin; in fact, it may have been Melissa's, seeing as she lives right around where Lisa was supposed to be living. I told Lisa to tell Amy to meet us at the cabin.
Next thing I know, it's like a flash of images...I am outside, lying belly-down in the snow, watching the ice build on the stairway to the back porch. I reach out to touch it, and my nails begin digging into the layers, picking through them. There was something red, blinking, beneath them.
I hear Lisa inside, laughing and carrying on. I can feel Amy's discomfort with her sister, and sense Catherine who, in real life, has been dead about three years. I look up to see, because I have to know it's her. Sure enough, she is serving them eggnog. Amy's left arm is tucked against her body, Lisa is rip-roaring drunk and Catherine keeps telling them to behave.
Icicles form on my lashes, and I realize I have been crying. The red keeps blinking below the ice, and I keep digging. I notice my fingertips are turning blue, and marvel at the contrast between the colors. Everything together looks like a swirled slurpee.
I realize that the red thing is an alarm clock, outside for when Dad (but not my dad?) is raking leaves and wants to know that dinner is ready. It's blinking 3:09 P.M., over and over again, and the buzz is causing my ears to blister inside.
I feel the burning, and put a handful of ice into my ear canals. The ice is covered in blood, melting down my face. Lisa sticks her head out the door to tell me dinner is ready.
"Nice style," she says, drooling.
I look up, crying except for my eyes are frozen in the wind, which has picked up. The ice pellets batter me from behind. Lisa gets cold and tells me, "Have it your way. Stay out here and freeze," and shuts the door, locking it behind her.
The clock keeps blinking the same time, over and over.
Catherine is gone now.
Amy is sitting in a corner behind a large chair somewhere inside, crying and rocking herself happier.
I am frozen in time.
