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4 A.M. still mocks me
Feb. 28th, 2004 04:23 amand all I can think about is Annie Lennox, the moon, stars, my new OHGR vinyl that Mike Hellraiser gave to me, and Mike leaving.
It's not like San Fran was. No, he's leaving for good. His apartment of six+ years will be for rent shortly. He has thrown away an insane amount of shtuff, and his place felt like a tomb tonight. I wanted to talk more, to say funny or interesting things. I'm so friggin' tired though (I know, WHY am I still up then???) and he was tired, and Jason was there.
I adore Jason, and I was happy to see him. I guess part of me just wanted to hang out with Mike though, to talk with him about anything and everything like we used to. I miss Club Atlantis for a number of reasons, but a big reason is the time I got to know and adore this boy as one of my best friends in Cleveland. He was such a wreck, and I was always around to help pick him up when he needed me to. We talked for hours on the phone about girl and boy problems, piercings, alternative lifestyles...there was never a pissing contest, never a need to feel like I had to live up to some expectation. He liked me, and still likes me, for me, no matter what incarnation that may be.
I have other friends who are this way as well, and I adore them equally, some even moreso. But this is all about him, so get over yourselves for a sec...~;)
I guess the strangest thing with Mike leaving is, just like when he moved to San Fran a few years ago, something feels very incomplete about our saying our goodbyes. I have NO CLUE what that is, it just feels that way.
And I finally got my Organ Grinder's Ball shirt from him after two years. I left it in his and Xen's tent at the last Pennsic War I attended (get your minds out of the gutter...my tent wasn't up yet and I needed to change into garb). He was wearing it tonight, and I gave him some grief for it. I would have let him keep it, but he took it off and handed it to me anyway.
I just...I don't know. Everything feels so up-in-air and transformatory. Change is consistent, and I am trying my hardest to be adaptable.
I guess it simply boils down to me missing him already. People that real and willing to show their vulnerability like he did with me...it is profound trust, and I felt that I could trust him as equally. He kept everything real and down-to-earth. Sure, he had his gripes about people, but overall, he never talked trash about others to me, despite my friendships with a few of his ex's.
Just...good.
good good good.
*sigh*
Hope everyone is having lovely dreams. I'll be joining you soon...
It's not like San Fran was. No, he's leaving for good. His apartment of six+ years will be for rent shortly. He has thrown away an insane amount of shtuff, and his place felt like a tomb tonight. I wanted to talk more, to say funny or interesting things. I'm so friggin' tired though (I know, WHY am I still up then???) and he was tired, and Jason was there.
I adore Jason, and I was happy to see him. I guess part of me just wanted to hang out with Mike though, to talk with him about anything and everything like we used to. I miss Club Atlantis for a number of reasons, but a big reason is the time I got to know and adore this boy as one of my best friends in Cleveland. He was such a wreck, and I was always around to help pick him up when he needed me to. We talked for hours on the phone about girl and boy problems, piercings, alternative lifestyles...there was never a pissing contest, never a need to feel like I had to live up to some expectation. He liked me, and still likes me, for me, no matter what incarnation that may be.
I have other friends who are this way as well, and I adore them equally, some even moreso. But this is all about him, so get over yourselves for a sec...~;)
I guess the strangest thing with Mike leaving is, just like when he moved to San Fran a few years ago, something feels very incomplete about our saying our goodbyes. I have NO CLUE what that is, it just feels that way.
And I finally got my Organ Grinder's Ball shirt from him after two years. I left it in his and Xen's tent at the last Pennsic War I attended (get your minds out of the gutter...my tent wasn't up yet and I needed to change into garb). He was wearing it tonight, and I gave him some grief for it. I would have let him keep it, but he took it off and handed it to me anyway.
I just...I don't know. Everything feels so up-in-air and transformatory. Change is consistent, and I am trying my hardest to be adaptable.
I guess it simply boils down to me missing him already. People that real and willing to show their vulnerability like he did with me...it is profound trust, and I felt that I could trust him as equally. He kept everything real and down-to-earth. Sure, he had his gripes about people, but overall, he never talked trash about others to me, despite my friendships with a few of his ex's.
Just...good.
good good good.
*sigh*
Hope everyone is having lovely dreams. I'll be joining you soon...
