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Just some FYI
Nov. 4th, 2002 11:36 amI am at school, which is how I am catching up on things via computer, so if I haven't responded to your e-mails, posts, etc. don't think I am avoiding anything because I am not.
The Inhabitants of Jawndomay gave back a computer monitor to deep-voiced Kevin yesterday, after waking extraordinarily late in the afternoon (And my most sincere apologies to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
evilshell for not coming over...sometimes my intentions are good, but my actions are lacking. I am sorry hon.~8( )
We cleaned a bit...the house smells of intoxicants of all sorts, and all I really wish to do is walk around and clean and make things waft well again and make better what went bad Saturday. But the new montior that DVK gave to us isn't working well - like, it's ALL jumbly, which is probably our computer's fault, but it makes things difficult.
What I want to make clear is this:
In the next week, I want the drama to get the fuck out of my life. All of it. Just go the fuck away because I don't need it right now. Not to say that I ever do, but all I wanted was everyone to have a good time and feel comfortable and be themselves in a place where they felt they could.
I am one person who can only talk to so many people at once.
Oh and yeah...I am human, regardless of all the silliness I profess on this LJ-world. It's a subunit of who I am, not the entirety. How many times I'll have to reiterate that in my lifetime is beyond my capacity today.
At work, I do my best to keep the tommyrot to a bare minimum. I am a mediator of sorts. When I have to do that in my own home, it irritates the shit out of me. I have my work keys separated from my house keys for a reason - it's symbolic of the separation between those two worlds. I wish I had some more keyrings, to separate school, friends, lovelife, etc. It's all meshing, becoming blurry, and I am becoming overwhelmed by it all.
Nothing sucks worse than sitting in a fucking school technical center, some hundred-odd people all about you, and you're falling to pieces inside, trying to contain all the emotion so as not to make a scene.
And to make things better, I get to go to choir next, soing and let it out through the music. Only, there are people in that class whom I invited and they didn't come to the party. Which is fine...they were very polite, calling and letting me know they would not be able to make it. I just don't want to talk right now. Not at all. I want to go back to bed, and sleep and dream and then wake up to find this morning has been little more than that - a dream.
Because there is nothing I hate more than regret.
And today, I am lost in that hatred as it circles back around to myself.
and it is nauseating.
*YOU* and I will need to meet IRL and talk, rather than this passive-aggressive bullshit via internet. vis-a-vis hon, before the weekend, before another party where there shouldn't be drama or chaos imprinted on our foreheads because that would not be ok. It would be disrespectful to the hosts/ hostess, and I refuse to be that to them. They mean too damn much to me for me to insult them like that.
God damn this is fucking ridiculous.
And to anyone who presumes to know anything about this other than what one side has said, thank you for revealing to me your true colors. I shall bare them in mind when next we meet...it reminds me why I do not trust people so easily.
I gotta get to class.
The Inhabitants of Jawndomay gave back a computer monitor to deep-voiced Kevin yesterday, after waking extraordinarily late in the afternoon (And my most sincere apologies to
evilshell for not coming over...sometimes my intentions are good, but my actions are lacking. I am sorry hon.~8( )We cleaned a bit...the house smells of intoxicants of all sorts, and all I really wish to do is walk around and clean and make things waft well again and make better what went bad Saturday. But the new montior that DVK gave to us isn't working well - like, it's ALL jumbly, which is probably our computer's fault, but it makes things difficult.
What I want to make clear is this:
In the next week, I want the drama to get the fuck out of my life. All of it. Just go the fuck away because I don't need it right now. Not to say that I ever do, but all I wanted was everyone to have a good time and feel comfortable and be themselves in a place where they felt they could.
I am one person who can only talk to so many people at once.
Oh and yeah...I am human, regardless of all the silliness I profess on this LJ-world. It's a subunit of who I am, not the entirety. How many times I'll have to reiterate that in my lifetime is beyond my capacity today.
At work, I do my best to keep the tommyrot to a bare minimum. I am a mediator of sorts. When I have to do that in my own home, it irritates the shit out of me. I have my work keys separated from my house keys for a reason - it's symbolic of the separation between those two worlds. I wish I had some more keyrings, to separate school, friends, lovelife, etc. It's all meshing, becoming blurry, and I am becoming overwhelmed by it all.
Nothing sucks worse than sitting in a fucking school technical center, some hundred-odd people all about you, and you're falling to pieces inside, trying to contain all the emotion so as not to make a scene.
And to make things better, I get to go to choir next, soing and let it out through the music. Only, there are people in that class whom I invited and they didn't come to the party. Which is fine...they were very polite, calling and letting me know they would not be able to make it. I just don't want to talk right now. Not at all. I want to go back to bed, and sleep and dream and then wake up to find this morning has been little more than that - a dream.
Because there is nothing I hate more than regret.
And today, I am lost in that hatred as it circles back around to myself.
and it is nauseating.
*YOU* and I will need to meet IRL and talk, rather than this passive-aggressive bullshit via internet. vis-a-vis hon, before the weekend, before another party where there shouldn't be drama or chaos imprinted on our foreheads because that would not be ok. It would be disrespectful to the hosts/ hostess, and I refuse to be that to them. They mean too damn much to me for me to insult them like that.
God damn this is fucking ridiculous.
And to anyone who presumes to know anything about this other than what one side has said, thank you for revealing to me your true colors. I shall bare them in mind when next we meet...it reminds me why I do not trust people so easily.
I gotta get to class.
