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It all started yesterday, well, December 29th I guess. I went to work and started all the paperwork catch-up games that I usually do after being gone for a weekend. I get lost in this box of an office, barely bigger than my bathroom, really, and more crowded with junk - makes my brain cloudy and muffled. I feel deaf and dumb in that space, but I am stuck in there for at least four hours each night I work, so I make the best of that time.
I came out of the box for a short while to see how my staff were doing, how the residents were, etc. Everyone was in a good mood, and the smiles and hugs, laughter and silliness was inspiring. I wandered around the house, checking for anything that might need done. Simple tasks, such as curtains being pulled closed in bedrooms (the residents just aren't concerned about their nakedness, I'm afraid), lights being shut off, beds being made, toilet paper stocked, what-have-you. They are everyday tasks, simple matters that somehow make the world known as Howe House go around.
I walked into the kitchen and was smothered in the wondrous smells of pineapple upside-down cake. Knowing how such a concoction works (did I mention I am a bad-ass cook?~;), I moved the cake from the top of the stove to a trivet so that it would cool enough to be flipped shortly.
Well, shortly came and went, and everyone was sitting to eat dinner, Johnny Cash on the stereo making one 65 year-old woman very happy. Pulled-pork sandwiches made mouths reddish-orange with BBQ assault, and the edentulous gummed at their potato chips because they still like the pseudo-crunching. It never ceases to amaze me what a person without teeth can manage to consume.
I made sure everyone was settled, staff as well, and went to check on the cake. It had cooled, so I flipped it onto a platter and walked into the dining room where I told my staff what I had done for them.
I thought this was a good deed on my part, but when the one staff looked like she'd seen a ghost, I wondered what I could have done wrong. It was just a cake for dessert, right? The other staff explained that they had planned something "impromptu," and that it was no big deal. I thought about it, and remembered that one of the residents really enjoys pineapple upside-down cake, and said, "Oh! I see...no problem, I can probably flip it back." They smiled and I flipped the cake back to being right-side up, thrilled that they had planned on surprising this resident with her favorite dessert. How thoughtful!
Well, I had no clue of their thoughtfulness, really. In fact, I was absolutely clueless when they walked into the dining room with said-cake twenty minutes later, covered in candles and decorations and a card they had made with the residents wishing me a happy birthday. In all the seven years I have ever worked at Howe House, no one has ever caught me by surprise like this, not for my birthday, not to mention I haven't had a cake in 8 years or more. I would have started crying, only I was so embarrassed, to quote the one staff, "She's as red as her hair!" LOL
This is how my birthday began.
( This is extremely long but completely necessary...I am bursting with awe and adoration...you must know this, always, every one of you... )
I have had this constant sense of nostalgia the past few days, thinking back to hiding in woods somewhere in Fredericksburg VA, catching fireflies for the first time in my life. I wanted a lantern, a natural one. Needless to say, it didn't work so well, and when their lights began to fade, I felt shame and fear, and let them all out, scooping the weaker ones onto branches so that they may live a little longer and light the night sky for days to come. It was a strange duality, the need to capture something so breathtaking yet the sadness that overcame me after letting it go.
Some things in life aren't meant to be captured so much as admired and appreciated. You can still love them without holding them in bonds. I don't think enough people realize this, thus smothering one another and forgetting what the original intent was.
Be my friend, and I won't smother you, not with my hands, my judgment, or my heart. Just be willing to accept the good with the bad, and we will be everything to one another for a while, and it will be good. It's all just moments in time, interwoven and glimmering a little differently, depending on whose eyeball is reflecting what light and when.
I am grateful and in awe of the love and companionship I have been witness to. Thank you, everyone, for being who you are, and for loving me as I am.
***Dawn Dawn
I came out of the box for a short while to see how my staff were doing, how the residents were, etc. Everyone was in a good mood, and the smiles and hugs, laughter and silliness was inspiring. I wandered around the house, checking for anything that might need done. Simple tasks, such as curtains being pulled closed in bedrooms (the residents just aren't concerned about their nakedness, I'm afraid), lights being shut off, beds being made, toilet paper stocked, what-have-you. They are everyday tasks, simple matters that somehow make the world known as Howe House go around.
I walked into the kitchen and was smothered in the wondrous smells of pineapple upside-down cake. Knowing how such a concoction works (did I mention I am a bad-ass cook?~;), I moved the cake from the top of the stove to a trivet so that it would cool enough to be flipped shortly.
Well, shortly came and went, and everyone was sitting to eat dinner, Johnny Cash on the stereo making one 65 year-old woman very happy. Pulled-pork sandwiches made mouths reddish-orange with BBQ assault, and the edentulous gummed at their potato chips because they still like the pseudo-crunching. It never ceases to amaze me what a person without teeth can manage to consume.
I made sure everyone was settled, staff as well, and went to check on the cake. It had cooled, so I flipped it onto a platter and walked into the dining room where I told my staff what I had done for them.
I thought this was a good deed on my part, but when the one staff looked like she'd seen a ghost, I wondered what I could have done wrong. It was just a cake for dessert, right? The other staff explained that they had planned something "impromptu," and that it was no big deal. I thought about it, and remembered that one of the residents really enjoys pineapple upside-down cake, and said, "Oh! I see...no problem, I can probably flip it back." They smiled and I flipped the cake back to being right-side up, thrilled that they had planned on surprising this resident with her favorite dessert. How thoughtful!
Well, I had no clue of their thoughtfulness, really. In fact, I was absolutely clueless when they walked into the dining room with said-cake twenty minutes later, covered in candles and decorations and a card they had made with the residents wishing me a happy birthday. In all the seven years I have ever worked at Howe House, no one has ever caught me by surprise like this, not for my birthday, not to mention I haven't had a cake in 8 years or more. I would have started crying, only I was so embarrassed, to quote the one staff, "She's as red as her hair!" LOL
This is how my birthday began.
( This is extremely long but completely necessary...I am bursting with awe and adoration...you must know this, always, every one of you... )
I have had this constant sense of nostalgia the past few days, thinking back to hiding in woods somewhere in Fredericksburg VA, catching fireflies for the first time in my life. I wanted a lantern, a natural one. Needless to say, it didn't work so well, and when their lights began to fade, I felt shame and fear, and let them all out, scooping the weaker ones onto branches so that they may live a little longer and light the night sky for days to come. It was a strange duality, the need to capture something so breathtaking yet the sadness that overcame me after letting it go.
Some things in life aren't meant to be captured so much as admired and appreciated. You can still love them without holding them in bonds. I don't think enough people realize this, thus smothering one another and forgetting what the original intent was.
Be my friend, and I won't smother you, not with my hands, my judgment, or my heart. Just be willing to accept the good with the bad, and we will be everything to one another for a while, and it will be good. It's all just moments in time, interwoven and glimmering a little differently, depending on whose eyeball is reflecting what light and when.
I am grateful and in awe of the love and companionship I have been witness to. Thank you, everyone, for being who you are, and for loving me as I am.
***Dawn Dawn
